Wednesday, May 4, 2011

The Ties that Bind

Family Ties

In my research into alleged cult-related abuse and mind control, believers often claim that such abuse is inter-generational.  That abuse and cult interaction happens through generational ties.  Even with government-related experimentation, the same claim is made.  Stories of children who are "sold" by their parents or grandparents into traumatic situations are common among alleged victims.

Based upon these claims, I decided to provide some history about my own family before detailing my own experiences.  Let me be clear that no one in my family has claimed or officially spoken of any abuse - cult-related or government.   Let it also be known that child sexual abuse, especially prior to the 1980's, was highly unreported.  Even if we allow that my mother and her siblings may have experienced some kind of abuse as children, it does not necessarily provide any proof that such abuse was cult or government driven.  In this experiment, we shall remain open to the possibility but allow the overall picture and potential explanations to speak for themselves.

My Mother - Ann

My mother came from a broken home.  She was the oldest of 5 children – 3 girls and 2 boys.  Her parents had divorced when my mother was a child. Her father, a fast-living kind of guy with a reputation for womanizing, moved to California.  Her mother had elected to stay in Michigan, close to family, to raise the children (my mother & her siblings) alone as a single parent.  I have overheard insinuations from my mother that she (and maybe her siblings too) were subjected to sexual abuse from a family member or family friend.  Before I was born, my mother was a divorced single parent raising 2 children (a boy & girl) alone.  For the record, my brother was 9 years older than me; my sister was 7 years older.  Pregnant & married by the age of 16, her first marriage had been abusive.  Shortly after my mother’s divorce, she decided to take her children to San Francisco, California.  Perhaps she was hopeful to gain the affection & love from her absentee father?  I don’t know…mere speculation on my part.  Her motivations for moving across the country have never been clear or discussed.  However, it was in San Francisco where she met my father.  Throughout my life, my mother has always held a lot of contempt and hatred for my father.  Whenever I questioned her about him or mentioned him while growing up, she refused to discuss him and said things like “he never wanted you” or “he wanted you to be dead!”  She made it clear that ANY discussion of him was off the table.

My mother was always very emotionally unavailable.  She has never been an “affectionate” mother.  I remember her being frequently gone from the family home.  She has mentioned to me that she frequently worked 2 or 3 jobs to support her family so it is reasonable to believe this is why she was gone.  I know she worked at [redacted] (defense contractor) with my grandmother for a good portion of my childhood before she was laid off in the late 80’s or early 90’s. 

My Maternal Grandmother – Margaret (Maggie)

            I don’t know much about my maternal grandmother’s family history other than the fact that she had one older sister (Janice) and a younger brother (Michael).  I believe her mother (my great-grandmother - Sally) had married a few times.  Likewise, my grandmother was married at least twice but possibly more.  She had been a stunningly beautiful young woman with long blonde hair and crystal blue eyes.  My grandmother worked for General Electric for many years.  I do not know the exact dates, but I believe my mother indicated it was around 1950 – 1980 in [redacted].  After leaving GE, she worked for [redacted] (defense contractor) from 1980 until she retired in the late 80’s or early 90’s.  I recently questioned my mother about my grandmother’s work history at GE.  I asked her about it because I thought my grandmother had taken me there as a child.  While I cannot distinctly remember entering the building, I clearly remember us playing in the park across the street and the quartet/band that used to play in the gazebo at the park in the summers.  I also remember being afraid of the GE building across the street from the park and not wanting to leave the park.  The building was large, dark, and seemed very foreboding.  My mother claims that my grandmother never took me to GE and did not, in fact, work at the GE building by that park from my memories.  She claims that it is likely that my grandmother was “taking me to a friend’s home who lived in that area” although I do not recall such a person or being in any home in that area.  My mother stated she remembered that “working at GE was very hard on her (my grandmother).  She used to cry in her sleep because she was in so much pain….”  She died suddenly in 1996 from an aneurysm.  I spent a lot of time, especially in my childhood, with my grandmother.  Most of that time was spent alone, without the presence of my older siblings or my mother.  My grandmother’s genealogy traces back to Ireland but I have no specifics other than she used to say her family was “Black Irish from Cork County.” She indicated that “Black Irish” meant Spanish-Irish mix.  Many people in my family used to whisper or joke that my grandmother was “crazy.”  That she told “crazy stories” which were not based in truth.  I always found the "she's crazy" claims to be strange because my grandmother seemed so lucid, smart, and...well...normal otherwise.  For example, my grandmother used to tell me, privately and secretly, that she knew my biological father and spoke with him at least once.  One day, I made the mistake of telling my mother what my grandmother had said about my father.  My mother got very angry and claimed my grandmother’s story is absolutely false.  According to my mother, my grandmother never traveled to California and certainly never knew or spoke with my father.  I have never asked my father if my grandmother’s claim is true.  Another “story” that my grandmother used to tell me was that the government had purposely injected my mother and my aunt Meg with polio as children.  I never quite understood if she felt this happened in secret without her knowledge (i.e. conspiracy) or if she was aware that she had signed her children up for experimentation.  However, it is a common and known fact that both my aunt and my mother did, indeed, have polio as very young children.

My Maternal Grandfather – James

            I know even less about my maternal grandfather than about my grandmother.  I know he had several siblings, but I don’t know exactly how many.  I do know that at least 2 siblings died as infants but circumstances are not clear.  A couple of my paternal grandfather's nieces also worked in the porn industry in the 70's and 80's.  As for my grandfather, he was a navigator in the Air Force during WWII, but never saw combat.  He had a college degree in Accounting and worked most of his life for [redacted] as a high-level accountant or business manager of some type. As I mentioned previously, he lived in California from the time he divorced my grandmother until his death in 2001.  He married twice.  I rarely saw him in my life (maybe 4 or 5 times at most.). Tracing his genealogy, his line has several prominent people including Samuel Morse, inventor of the Morse Code, and Elizabeth Morse.  Elizabeth Morse was the first woman ever accused, tried, convicted, and pardoned of witchcraft in America.  His lineage is English. 

My Father – Jeffrey

My father also came from a broken home.  His mother divorced his father and moved the family across the country to get away from his “mentally unstable” father.  He was the 2nd child of three kids and the shortest/smallest of all of them which gave him a “Napoleon Complex” (his words).  In the mid-70’s is when my father met my mother.  They never married and were never even “a couple” according to him. A 5 yr veteran of the Vietnam War (highly decorated Special Forces Green Beret & medic), my father was a drinking, carousing kind of man.  I've heard some stories from his Vietnam era which include (as can be expected) special "projects" and work with the CIA, whom I don't think he particularly cared for.  After returning from Vietnam, he worked several decades for a government employer managing patients in the field of counseling/therapy/mental health.  He also has "buddies" who work in high level places like the Pentagon.    He retired about 5 years ago after becoming increasing sick from an unidentified illness.   He is currently bedridden, on oxygen, and being treated by special doctors at the Veteran’s Administration hospital.

I never knew my father growing up or even what he looked like.  In fact, I did not meet him for the first time in person until my 21st birthday in San Francisco, the city of my birth.  I idealized an image of him as a very young child and continually secretly wished, begged, pleaded, and dreamed that he would one day “rescue me” from my traumatic life.  He never did.  I spent many years as a child trying to find him on my own, only to be emotionally and spiritually crushed as each lead was a dead end.

My Paternal Grandmother – Alice

            My father’s mother was born & raised in central Virginia.  She was one of 8 children.  Her family was very progressive in its thinking and somewhat well-to-do – especially for the era (Great Depression).  All of the children were college-educated and many went on to be teachers (including my grandmother) or entrepreneurs who became wealthy and/or highly regarded in their fields of study.  My grandmother went to college which was unusual for girls in that day & age.  She married my grandfather who was considered the “best looking guy in the area.”  After a period of time, she began to worry that my grandfather was mentally ill.  She claims to have tried several times to have him put away in an institute (mental hospital), but he was always released without her knowledge or approval because his parents would “take custody” of him.  Eventually, she divorced him and moved her children to Montana for their protection.  There she worked as a teacher, raising her children alone.  She moved back to Virginia in the 70’s to care for her aging sisters – one of whom was also diagnosed with some form of mental illness which was treated with pills (thorazine, I think?) and electro-shock therapy.  My grandmother ran the family farm (her parents’ farm) until her death in 2006.  I met my paternal grandmother for the first time in 1995.  I did not ever see her or talk to her again until I moved to Virginia in 2003 for the purposes of caring for her and her farm.  I was her caretaker for the last years of her life.  Her family ancestry is quite impressive, including several prominent people who played interesting roles in American and British history.  The family line can be traced back through English nobility to French nobility during the time of William the Conqueror.

My Paternal Grandfather – Cary

            I know very very little about my paternal grandfather.  Most of what I know surrounds his “mental illness” and are accounts of what my grandmother told me as he died before I was born.  His parents were very loving, supportive, and never divorced. He had a couple of siblings.  I do not know what caused my grandfather’s sudden change in mental stability in his mid-30’s.  He was never in the military or anything like that…  No traumas that are known.  My grandmother simply stated that one day he started talking “crazy.”  She said he would occasionally tell people that “he was special” and had a rather grandiose opinion of himself.  He was diagnosed with schizophrenia.  She was informed by doctors at the mental hospital to bring him to them whenever he started to say things like that…whenever he didn’t act “normal.”  At the hospital, he was given electro-shock therapy and pills to control his behavior.  He was institutionalized several times, but his parents kept getting him released against my grandmother’s wishes.  Other than the occasional “strange claims” he would make, he never acted the least bit violent or incoherent according to my grandmother.  He was a loving and attentive father to his children.  A farmer and hard worker.  However, after his last episode of being in the mental hospital (again, released without consent), he pointed a shotgun at his mother and pulled the trigger.  His father saved her life by smacking the gun away from her body as it went off.  He gave no explanation for his bizarre homicidal behavior and did not understand it himself.  After this incident, my grandmother became afraid for herself, the children, and her family.  The unusual, unexplained incident with the near-murder of Cary’s mother is the reason my grandmother divorced him and moved away.  He strangely let her go without incident and only rarely tried to contact her or the kids.  He held several well-paying jobs while living on his own, but never tried to pay support for his children.  He drank heavily after my grandmother left and eventually died of a heart attack at age 45.  I have no information on his ancestry other than his lineage was Irish.

Breakdown and Review:

In this section of the post, I will attempt to breakdown evidence and/or psychological assessment of the information or situations posted above.  I will attempt to look at the situations from a pro-believer standpoint as well as from an alternative or scientific perspective.

 In this post, I've begun to discuss the dynamics of my family history.  From the research I've done on the various theories, mind control is used under two general plots - inter-generational abuse from cults and through deviant governmental programs such as MK Ultra.  Some even believe these two dichotomies, in fact, overlap.  The whole theory of the Illuminati is that they control both sides.

Reference -

Where does that leave my family in this equation?  Let's take a look!

My mother - 

Pro-Believer Traits & Evidence:
- possible victim of sexual abuse
- life-threatening childhood polio, possibly from govt experimentation
- chaotic childhood
- severely limited ability to show affection or love
- worked for defense contractor
- secretive & frequently absent
- distrust and anger toward my biological father (almost hatred)

Alternative Explanations:
- My mother came from a broken home, felt abandoned by her father, and was possibly sexually abused as a child.  These traumas could have realistically interfered with her ability to have healthy and normal relationships.  Being rejected by my father after having previously left an abusive relationship (her first husband) would have compounded her emotional withdraw from those around her, including her children. 

My maternal grandmother:

Pro-Believer Traits & Evidence:
- worked for GE & defense contractor.  General Electric is one of the companies frequently said to be run by Illuminati and complicit within the mind control conspiracy.  My mother claimed my grandmother used to "cry in her sleep" due to her work at GE. 
- she claimed her children were purposely given polio by govt. and told other "crazy" stories.
- I was frequently left alone in her care without my siblings. She also took me to Chicago in the summers but never took any other grandchildren (covered in a later post).
- She "covered" for my pedophile uncles (her sons) - covered in a later post.
- she died unexpectedly of an aneurysm

Alternative Explanations:
- My grandmother had several failed marriages which, on their own, lead to the assumption of relationship issues.  My mother also claimed that my grandmother was not an affectionate or loving mother (which would explain her own detriment in this area) although this never seemed to be the case in perspective to me.  My grandmother was always very loving and affectionate with me in the enormous amount of time I spent with her as a child.  Her "Black Irish" comments, first made to me at about age 7-8 in the early 80's, are supported by historical fact.

My maternal grandfather:

Pro-Believer Traits & Evidence:
- military service
- worked for an alleged Illuminati-owned company as a high level executive
- held his children or family in little regard
- English lineage, including some with alleged occult ties
-  possible suspicious deaths of infant siblings?
- familial ties to budding porn industry

Alternative Explanations:
- Other than his divorce from my grandmother and subsequent abandonment of his children, my grandfather lived the American dream.  He contributed to the service of his country and worked very hard for a business that is perceived as American as apple pie.  One could even argue that his cross-country move was a requirement for his work; therefore the abandonment of his children was not intended but a necessary evil.  Remember, too, that the family dynamic culture of the 50s - 70s was much different than today.

My father:

Pro-Believer Traits & Evidence:
- decorated military service, Special Forces
- career in psychological field
- connections to CIA and Pentagon
- 1st meeting on my 21st birthday in my birth city at the exact moment of my birth.
- sudden mysterious illness that leaves him bedridden & slowly dying

Alternative Explanations:
- My father has acknowledged that he made a lot of mistakes in his life, including his abandonment of me as a child.  These are things he regrets and has tried, to the best of his ability, to make amends for.  Sometimes a doctor can be his own worst patient.

My paternal grandmother:

Pro-Believer Traits & Evidence:
- well educated from prominent family
- sister & husband subjected to in-patient "mental health treatment" which included medications and electro-shock treatment.
- Lineage ties directly to English and French nobility

Alternative Explanations:
- Despite coming from a "good family" and having several wealthy siblings, my grandmother felt very strongly about "standing on her own two feet."  I don't believe the woman ever took a handout or something she didn't earn in her entire life.  When she passed away, she was moderately wealthy herself and held land rich in commodities like oil and natural gas.  She was stubborn and strong willed by necessity and her life was far from easy.  To those she trusted (like doctors), she took their word as gospel and never questioned it. 

My paternal grandfather -

Pro-Believer Traits & Evidence:
- sudden unexplained onset of "schizophrenia"
- comments about being "special" and "chosen"
- repeatedly institutionalized and given drugs, electro-shock therapy
- unexplained & uncontrollable homicidal behavior that nearly lead to the murder of his mother
- his desire, even happiness, to allow my grandmother to leave with all the children and go where he could never find them.
- unexplained "heart attack" by an otherwise perfectly healthy man at age 45

Alternative Explanations:
- My grandmother and I spoke quite a bit about my grandfather and his strange behavior before she died.  While she stubbornly adhered to the "belief" that he was "schizophrenic," some of the research she did about mental health would lead me to believe she perhaps secretly felt different.  Personally, I feel his behavior was more consistent with bipolar disorder than with schizophrenia.  Bipolar disorder could explain the relative periods of normalcy punctuated by bizarre behavior. 

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